Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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