it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Randomize
