I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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