people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
