Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
