The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
