But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize