I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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