im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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