Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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