you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
