If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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