I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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