if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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