Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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