I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
