Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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