Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
