so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
