U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
