Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
