Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
