You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
