if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The struggles of a small town man whore
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
