My underwear smells like fireworks.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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