I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
