There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
