You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
