i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
