hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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