Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
