i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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