i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
