Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
being pregnant is like rehab
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
