I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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