I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
