I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
