He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize