How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
