Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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