I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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