he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
