So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
