i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
