I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
