We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
