Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
