Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
