since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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