my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize