Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
