If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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