is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
