The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
