how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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