can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
