Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
