We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
