until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just high enough for therapy.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
