do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
