Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
