just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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