My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize